I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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