I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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