i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
