she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
