I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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