I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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