what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
