So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
