I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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