I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my shit smells like andre
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
