you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
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I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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