Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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