I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
