So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
