You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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