In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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