No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
