You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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