I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
