if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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