At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
