i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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