guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
