fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
