Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
