Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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