he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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