ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
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I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
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Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize