she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
