I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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