Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
