Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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