I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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