I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
