we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Randomize
