I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
