It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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