your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
