i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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