i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
