3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
