I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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