Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
