my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize