Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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