We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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