did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
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And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
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everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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