I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Randomize
