i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
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I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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