I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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