You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
