I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
