Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
