Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
