Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant