Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Im just a social blackout drinker.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick