it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
