Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
