Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
