I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
