so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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