There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
