I wish you could order shots online.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
