***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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