She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I want her autograph on my taint
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
