he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
