Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
