Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
