I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
