yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
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At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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