there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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