I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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