my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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