i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
