grandma shit on top of the toilet
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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