tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
