I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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