who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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