So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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