your room smells of hookers.
And success
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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