I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
