did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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