I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My hand turned me down
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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