i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
